Hear my heart oh Lord

Trying to find the words to understand what I want to express right now is difficult as I'm confused myself as to why certain things happen in our lives.
When I was in school I remember always striving to make sure that I was liked by everyone and if someone didn't then I would do whatever it took to change their minds, change who I was to be more likable to them which would then mean that some of those that already liked me would start to draw back as they were not liking the new me so the vicious cycle would start and continue on for many years. Craving attention was always my downfall growing up as I would be searching in all the wrong places, even the darkest of places just so that I would be getting what I needed, getting my tank full. Little did I know that I was chipping away at my self, slowing bringing destruction to my heart. Even growing up in church I never turned to Jesus for the fulfillment.
This as I got older lead me down an extremely dark and destructive path that eventually completely shattered me into a thousand pieces. Over the past 6 years I have been slowly putting those pieces back together and believe me I am defiantly no where near finished. Yes, I have come along way and am doing a whole lot better though this journey is not yet over. Along the way though I have had to put aside friendships that were just holding me down wanting me to stay as low as I could. JESUS has been an incredible release when things are just getting too much, when I feel as though I just don't want to open my eyes to yet another day. As the 'Footprints' poem suggests at this point in my walk with Jesus, I only see one set of footprints in the sand as He is carrying me.

Oops that was not exactly what I wanted to post about originally, love when you set out to do something yet somewhere along the way the spirit steers you in a new direction without you even realising. Love those moments.

What I was writing about at beginning was that seasons change us and sometimes it seems for the not so good, and sometimes for the oh so good.  In this season we are battling some big stuff in our house, since my husbands motorbike accident 2 and half years ago we have been riding a very emotional roller coaster that never seems to end. In 2 weeks he will be traveling to Brisbane for a week for specialist appointments that will hopefully tell us the full extent of his injuries and what is yet to come. THAT is the part that has been scared, petrified even. Is my heart ready to hear what they have to say? is it ready for the worst is it even ready for the best? my biggest question.....How long do we have him for?................................................................................................................
........................................................... Am i ready for THAT?
This is when i cling to my Jesus for dear life with tears streaming down my face, Can I do this? Can I live the next years with the thought in the back of my mind that at one point in my life it will just be me in this union of marriage, will I have to travel the rest of my journey with just my kids by my side. will there be a morning I wake and he is not by my side. I know this feeling oh to well as I experienced it so tangible 2 and a half years ago when we were in the mist of it all. Everyone of these questions flooded my mind as we waited, waited for him to wake up, waited for the phone call that he had gone to be with Jesus (thank the Mighty God we never got that call), waited to see what the damage would be and now as we prepare for the future I look to Jesus for comfort, understanding, wisdom, strength to carry my kids and husband through this next year as we continue this challenging season.

Kristie xx

Refresh My Soul

No matter what the season,
No matter what the circumstance,
No matter what the sacrifice,
No matter what the loss
MY JESUS NEVER CHANGES!!!!!!!!!!

No matter what I do,
HIS LOVE NEVER FAILS.

Nothing I do can earn me more or less of His love, it is UNCONDITIONAL.
And for this I am Forever Grateful that Jesus paid the price for me, took ALL my sins to the cross and erase all my pain.

Jesus continue to refresh my soul with your love, grace, mercy, forgiveness, compassion.

YOU ARE ALL WE NEED.

Kristie xx

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Its been one of those days....

Waking up this morning feeling like today was going to be a good day. I love those moments, I hold onto them with every part of me, carry it with me as I move about my day. THEN IT STARTS, the whinging and complaining, fighting, back chatting and temper tantrums. Within a moment that beautiful feeling gets ripped out of your arms. AHHHHHH!!! its all a little too hard. This so called Super mum just isn't cutting it today.

I LOVE my boys but man they can send me bonkers. I find myself wishing school would just HURRY UP so our home can be one less a day. I know bad mummy, but not really. He is just so full of energy and this little mumma cant always keep up. Though when this thought comes and I find myself wishing our last days together away I stop and realise....I will NEVER have this time again. I will NEVER get to spend these last few days before he really becomes a Big Boy again.

I WILL NOT MISS OUT. This is where I draw on my Heavenly Daddy and call out for HIS Strength that is so much more than mine, HIS Joy to laugh at all the funny things my boys do when my mouth muscles just don't want to move, HIS Love because I know His heart is so much bigger than mine.
HE is all I need.

Kristie xx

Early Spring Clean

This week has be crazy and fun all at the same time. I have been wanting to rearrange and de-clutter my house since we moved in to get rid of all the junk we had accumulated.
When Maryann at Domestically Speaking posted about this exact thing I was so excited I wanted to start right away.
This week was a STORAGE AREA. Loved it, I had plenty of storage areas to clean but I chose something that was easy to start off with and could work around the kiddies. So I chose our linen cupboard.

Here is the before:

Yes that is my little babe hanging out with me.

First I sorted the linen into piles. Then I put all the matching quilts sets together putting each one inside one of the pillowcases so its easier to store and find everything.

The top part of the linen cupboard was sort of the junk cupboard.

Here it is:

I cleared this out and replaced with our spare doonas and pillows.

Finally here is the after:

Its not much but i LOVE it.

I'm excited to be in my first Link Party, Thank you Maryann.

Kristie xx

CONSISTENT......AWAKENING

Over the past few weeks over the Christmas & New Year holidays I have been catching up on some of the blogs I follow & a couple have struck me to the core.

The first was this post by This Sweet Life of Ours One Word . K.J was writing about summing 2010 up with One Word in her One Word series. As I read this my heart started to pound & my mind was running at full speed. It got me thinking to what I would want my year of 2011 to sum up to? What was I going to fulfill in 2011 that would see me at the end of it feeling a massive sense of achievement and personal, spiritual, and emotional fulfillment???????
I spent some time really mediating over this and seeking God on what He wanted out of me and our relationship for this year. I even had it as a topic of breakfast conversation with my husband and my parents on New Years Day. There was a lot of great responses coming from all those that I loved and admired, then it was my turn.........Lord where are you taking me? I commit to handing everything yet again over to You completely. I'm in this walk with You and You alone. And in that still small voice "Consistent" huh!!!! what was that suppose to mean??? say again God I didn't quite understand, can you please explain a bit more. "You my beautiful daughter need to learn to be more consistent in ALL areas of your life; with your husband, your boys, your family (even the in-laws), your home, your friends, and with Me". My heart sank, I had thought i was doing fine with all these areas but He knew I could do better, that I was only putting a small amount of effort in instead of giving it my all and letting Him lead me, guide me and strengthen me. WOW.

If that wasn't enough I then read this God breathed post by Marriage to Motherhood Naming her year Here Jessica talks right at the last paragraph about 'Naming her Year AWAKENING'. as I was reading this post this morning my heart starting racing as I allowed Holy Spirit to minister to me with this simple yet powerful word. As I was reading I found the song 'Awakening by Chris Tomlin' on You Tube Awakening and let God do the rest as I listened. I am still swimming in His presence as I write this.

2010 was a difficult year in many ways, though finally I can see the end of this season just over the horizon, glowing with warmth and peace and love that only MY JESUS can provide at the end of a hard road.

Have a think.......What would you name your Year?

Thank you to both Jessica & K.J for sharing your heart, you have certainly helped unearth something deep in me.

Kristie xx

Happy New Year

Happy New Year From Us to You.

Praying this year brings many cherished moments and abundance of love.

Kristie xx